Thursday, March 27, 2008

A Great Visit the Ended Sadly.

I had a great visit with the girls today. I got them this Aquadoodle pad for them to draw on. I sat on the floor with them and drew all kinds of stuff. We watch Uncle Moishe, and this video called Punchkees. (A very cheesy Jewish kids series.)

I love to watch how Big girl and Little girl play together. Big girl has such an imagination. The was she acts things out as if she is doing them is so adorable. Little girl follows along with her. She loves her big sister so much.

We went to the Pizza shop near my apartment and most of the time was spent by them playing imaginary games. I saw Big girl at one point standing in an interesting pose. It is hard to describe. She was standing with her upper body a slight forward and her hand on her shin. I have see actresses stand in this manner. I wondered where she saw this before. It is hard to explain exactly how she held herself but it was very grown up. Big girl as usual went around the entire Pizza store talking to everyone. She is very warm to strangers which makes me happy and worried at the same time. They both are growing up into such incredible personalities. I am so proud of them.

As I told them we had to leave, Big girl told me that she wanted ice cream. I told her we did not have time, but she wanted ice cream. I compromised with her and said that we would take the ice cream to go. Unfortunately, I forgot the ice cream in the store. When we got to their house I had to tell Big girl that I forgot the ice cream and she began to sob. I felt so bad that I wanted to join her, but one of my weaknesses is not being able to cry easily. For what seemed like fifteen minutes I held her crying at the door to their house. After a while their mother came down to see what was taking so long for Big girl to come upstairs. Then the tears changed from ice cream to I want Tatty to stay..... which may very well have been the real issue. It is very hard on both of us.

We need more time together. I do not know how we are going to manage it but we need more time together. I get, at best, four hours with them a week. Four hours just does not cut it. Their mother is reticent in letting me see them on Shabbat. Their mother does not let me have them overnight. I can not get Sundays off, and I have tried several times. Sunday is really the only day I can get them for a long stretch of time. As it stands I have Thursdays off. I am not able to see them until 4:30 as Big girl does not get our of school until 4:15. I generally have to have them back by seven but sometimes do not get them back until after eight. It is so hard to get them back by seven. Feeding them takes forever. It is not that I mind taking the time to feed them but rather that it takes so much time out of our visit. We like to play games and watch videos and to have two hour to do that is not enough in any universe.

I just do not know what to do. Inshallah we will find something that works out better.