Confused.

I know I said a long time ago that I would no longer post about my divorce and all but I am confused about something and need some input.

I told my Ex a week or so ago that I had money ready from my mother's estate for the back child support and all she needed to do was give me a number and a check would be in the mail.

She refuses to give me that number citing that the money has to come out of a trust that we agreed on establishing in order to ensure payment of child support. I am willing to sign a document stipulating that I agree to her having the money for the back child support prior to the establishment of the trust, and that the amount would be deducted from the amount entered in the trust. The irony is that she does not have the money to pay a trust attorney to establish the trust, and she would have said funds if she gave me a number and took the money.

She can have over 35k this week but she refuses to take the money.

Am I missing something??

Mixed Feelings.

I have been exploring the notion of becoming frum again. I have been reluctant to post about this as I know what kind of mixed comments I probably will get.


I have been thinking about doing this both for my girls and myself. I am tired of living isolated and alone, and there is a hope that if I become frum again I might be able to create a social network. I want to try to avoid problems with my girls as they get older. I do not know what they are going to do when they find out that they father is not religious.

The problem is that I just can not seem to get myself to believing many of the beliefs of Orthodox Judaism. It is not for a lack of trying. Part of me wants to believe, but I just can not. Even the most fundamental belief of God I am struggling with.

I do not know what do.

On one level I will have to keep a certain level of observance in my new place out of respect for my housemates. On the other hand I do not want to be a hypocrite.

I often ask myself whether my pretending to be frum for the girls is truly for the best. What is going to happen when they get older and realize the truth? Part of me thinks that it would be better to be honest with them now, and not lead them along to the point when they feel betrayed and deceived.

Not an easy decision.

Moving.

I decided that I am fed up with the state of my current basement apartment and that I would look for a new place to live. My landlord keeps on storing things in my living space, and I tell him over and over not to use the space for storage. It is also extremely difficult to keep the place clean with all the stuff he drags in and out. He is also a very dirty person, and tracks dirt where ever he goes. My other housemate is not such a clean person either and does not do his share at all in cleaning.

So, last Thursday I stated the search for a new place to live, and I gave my landlord notice that he either cleans up or I move out.

I lined up two places to look at that afternoon. I was going to go with my girls so they can see the places. One of the places told me latter in the day that they did no want a dog in their house. At first I was upset about this but when I saw the second place I was happy it happened.

I am moving into a two bedroom apartment that I am going to be sharing with two other guys who sleep in the other bedroom. The bedroom I am moving into is fully furnished. The person who is moving out is selling me the furnishings in the room for a steal. There is a bed, bookshelf, television, DVD player, and air conditioner. The place is very clean and newly built.

I get full cell phone signal in the apartment so I can ditch my land line phone.

All of this for less than what I am paying for now.

Productive Day.

Today after work I went with a friend of mine named Uri to a clothing store to get a pair of pants. The place exceeded my expectations. The staff was very friendly and helped Uri and I find sizes. I fir in a 44 which surprised me greatly. I also found four pairs for forty dollars. The place is called OMG. I think it is on the corner of eighth ave and thirty sixth. I am not sure the location.
I am glad I found them cause my last pair ripped the other day.

Tomorrow I have Big Girl for the entire day. I have to bring her to the doctor for a test in the pm. I may see Little Girl depending on when we get back from the Doctor.

Ruffles is dong well, but she walked me into an I-Beam on the Utica Ave platform..OUCH!! As well as she is doing, we still have things to work on, but I am confident that we will be successful.